When Sunny and I originally set out on our adventure to conquer all 420 stoner achievements, we were concerned that because of our cautious tendencies, we would never encounter the police. Risking danger is a big part of what makes the achievements exciting. We are both seasoned smokers, and have dealt with various other authority figures, and sometimes police, but never were we directly in danger of being caught for possession. So we assumed it would never happen.
Wrong. That all changed for us and made the risks of being caught outside of the state (we have medical cards here) very great. In fact, federal law now mandates that an individual that is arrested, not convicted, for possession or intent to sell, will not be applicable for federal financial aid or loans. Ever. This is a big deal for all you college tokers out there. Getting caught could bring your education (and your plans for the future) to a screeching halt. Be careful out there.
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You really don't want to get stuck with paying this out of pocket, trust me
Sunny and I were visiting a metropolitan college out-of-state, to see some friends. After the road trip, and the relaxing music and weather, we let down our guard. We wanted to smoke, but our friends were in class. We didn't know the area, or anything about the people or police here, so intuition told us to keep cool and stay sober. Sunny and I got into her car and "Sunset in July" came on the radio. Sunny suggested that "we should see if we can blaze an entire bowl by the end of the song". Mistake #1 motherfuckers. We were in a pretty busy parking lot, but we felt secure with our doors locked, and we figured since we were doing it in less than four minutes, nobody would catch us. Are you seeing where this is going wrong?
It was a lot like this
We joyfully cashed the bowl, and stepped out of the car, with smoke barreling out. We were ready to go for a walk in the beautiful weather, so we left the bowl in the passenger seat. Fucking mistake #2. Sunny reminded me to lock the doors, and we left to find a bench to sit and enjoy our high. We were completely ripped, I mean, in space. We walked about a block away, having difficulty moving due to the intense high. That's when shit got real.
The lights. The nefarious lights. The blue and red that makes the hair on your every part of your body stand up. Of course, at first we glanced at each other in reassuring denial. There's no way they were here for us, they must be going to break up a fight, or stop a robbery or something. The car pulled up right next to us, and the two officers stepped out. We froze in mid stride, our fear probably written everywhere on our bodies. I looked at Sunny and we silently communicated "keep your goddamn mouth shut".
"Where are you folks headed? Can we talk to you for a second?" it seemed to roll off his tongue, in a devilish sort of manner, you could tell he knew we were guilty. I decided to do the talking, since Sunny was clearly mortified. "Absolutely officer. We were headed to find a place to smoke a couple cigarettes and enjoy the weather." Keep in mind I was high as fuck. I had my sober face on, but that doesn't stop the red eyes, the aura of pot smoke that must have been surrounding us at this point, and the clear anxiety given away by our subconscious.
"We just received a report of a couple of teenagers matching your description smoking marijuana in a car in that parking lot. Know anything about that?" At this point, both officers (large men) took an offensive stance, stepping closer, standing taller. They looked us over, and seemed to be glaring at us with conviction. "We were just walking to smoke cigarettes, sir. We don't know anything about the parking lot." My voice was shaking as I pulled out my box of cigarettes, praying to God there wasn't a joint in there. I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled out two and handed one to Sunny. "Do you guys mind if I smoke?". "Sure, go ahead. We saw you heading down here from the parking lot, can you explain that?"
Never before did I have such an urge to shit myself
"YEAH" Sunny's voice jumped out of the silence, like she had been building up this whole time. "We were getting our cigarettes out of my car to go for this walk". Not a good idea, but she didn't say much, so I was proud of her. "Let me see your identification, we're just gonna see if you guys have any priors." We know that the law says you must identify yourself to an officer of the law, so we complied. I handed the officer my military ID card, trying to possibly forge a bond with him. He handed it back aggressively, "where's your driver's license". What a fucking dick, he's clearly here to make an arrest, not make friends. Makes sense I guess.They ran our ID's and thankfully, we had no warrants, or records (other than a few speeding and parking tickets, we're clean). This is when things got scary. Sunny and I overheard the smaller officer turn around and say into his radio "We're gonna need a separate car and officer for her. Search the car". OH FUCK. We had an ounce of fucking weed in the trunk of that car. All they need was a dog and we were going to prison for a long time. The officers turned around and looked at us both. "You two have any illegal substances on you? Marijuana, drugs, guns or anything?" "Of course not officer." I looked him in the eye as I confidently asserted myself. That's the key. Assert your rights, let them know you won't be intimidated.
"So I take it you two wouldn't mind a quick pat-down. then?" I knew we were both clean, and that consenting to a personal search isn't the same as letting them search your car. "No problem officer, we just need to be going soon if that's all right". "We'll search you real quick don't worry". I worried. I got extremely anxious and was visibly shaking. He forced my hands behind my back, and broke the second cigarette I was holding in my hand. No respect. He put on black gloves, giving his attitude a more sinister demeanor. I informed him that I had a legal stiletto in my right pocket (It looks like an illegal switchblade, and I don't want him to find it). "We'll hold onto that for just a bit, don't worry we'll give it back". Yeah, sure.
Turns out, being searched is more degrading that you think. I don't mind having some stranger pat down my legs, waist, or even my ass (ahhhh yeah), but man, it's a big ass step further. He spread my legs without asking, cupped his hand into a "c" and proceeded to slowly graze from my balls to my ass. HE GOT UP IN THERE. Feeling completely violated, I shook it off the minute I heard "He's clean". As I breathed with relief, I saw the lights of another car. It pulled up next to the original car. Everyone on campus saw us being searched. It was quite an ordeal already that was about to get worse.
"Spread your cheeks and lift your sac"
"Doors are locked on the car. We can see paraphernalia out in the open. Roaches are visible as well. Could potentially be marijuana." It sounded over the radio in an exorcist-style voice. "Can you confirm it's marijuana?" "Yes, definitely cannabis". They were so close to getting us. Sunny and I were ready to lose our shit. "So, we know that there was weed in the car. You guys want to tell us what you were doing?" "I'm not going to answer that" "You can just tell me what you guys were doing." "Sorry, but I'm not going to answer that" "Could you at least tell us what kind of car you were in?" "Sorry, but no I can't". He looked over to Sunny and repeated the same questions. She declined to speak. I was so proud of her. We often talked about what we would do in this situation, and we stuck to our guns.
"We're going to find out who the car is registered to. If it's to either one of you, you should tell us now. The judge will go easy on you." "I have the right not to say anything" "Suit yourself, we're just waiting for the registration on the car to come back". We thought they had us. We were in check, we had no where to move our king. It was about 50 degrees outside, and despite, we were sweating bullets. We overheard that the car wasn't registered to anyone that lived in the city Sunny and I have on our driver's licenses. Sunny lived in a different place than when she got the plates for her car. This meant the car wasn't linked to us, other than direct eyewitness account. The police looked hard at us "Last chance if there is anything you want to tell us". "I'm good." They looked around anxiously, and seemed very uneasy.
"We're going to put a note out about you two. If you get caught doing anything you shouldn't be doing today, we won't hesitate to bring you in. You understand?" We responded with a shuttering chorus of "yes". This was followed by a long, (or what seemed like fucking forever) silence. Finally, I couldn't resist the urge to ask "Are we free to go?". The police looked at each other and shrugged angrily "I would seem so". "Have a good day officers, we're running a little late". We strolled away calmly, but the very instant the police had driven away, we busted into fiendish laughter.
WE DID IT. We stared authority in the face and refused to give up our rights. We kept calm, and kept our mouths shut. We were home free, walking to the park to sit down and relax. We were still high as we had ever been.
Oddly enough, it didn't end here. We walked about another three blocks when we saw those lights again, on the opposite side of the street. Sunny and I hugged and looked on nervously as one of the men who had spoken to us stepped out, and marched towards us. "Oh shit did they bring dogs, did they get a warrant, oh fuck oh fuck what do we do". He walks full speed at us until he is about two feet away, looking us in the eye the whole time. He finally meets us, and we look up to him. He paused. We're shitting bricks at this point, we are completely blind sided, we don't even know how to respond.
"I forgot to give you your knife back".
